I recently read the book Mind on Fire, by Philip Muls. This book is about alcoholism recovery. I invited him to do an interview. The alcoholic condition is so prevalent in families. Hearing his take on the matter was enlightening. He provides a glimpse into the mind of an alcoholic that gives understanding to a condition that affects so many of us.
What is a day like in the life of a functional alcoholic?
In my case, it was constant ruminations and a crazy drive to excel on the job. Like I describe in the chapter Fear of Living, business life to me was a parallel universe where I was in full control. ‘Life became a spreadsheet’. Of course, I realize now that it was only the illusion of control. In reality, I was self-destructing and that resulted in the near-death car crash in the story Hubris, set in Bangkok.
In a recent review of your book, Mind on Fire the reviewer stated that your dealing with the issues of becoming authentic “grabs you by the throat.” What is authenticity and why is it so important to recovery?
Authenticity means finally cutting out the bullshit. It means accepting accountability again for your own life, and owning up to some harsh truths. This process is necessary to find a solid basis for abstinence. As long as you are fooling yourself or your surroundings, you will not be able to stay sober. In the end, only rigorous honesty can make you whole again. Addiction, after all, is nothing if not an attempt to live life outside of accountability.
One of the roots to alcoholism is destructive core beliefs. How can a person begin to deal with the damage that dysfunctional core beliefs have caused?
In the book Mind on Fire, I spend considerable time describing how Peter tackles his obsolete core beliefs one by one, with the help of Catherine and Adaline, his two therapists. Getting to the root of those ‘old recordings’ that keep playing in his head and trigger the same old unhelpful reactions – like drinking – is the key to sobriety. It is hard work but any addict that went through it will tell you it is a necessary and important process and the only route to recovery.
How did you begin to address your demons?
Well, writing the book Mind on Fire on those long and many night flights between Europe and Asia was my way to get to the bottom of my imperfect thinking. I discovered that my mind had controlled me for all these years by having me believe that I could not stand alone, that I needed alcohol to deal with life.
I discovered that I had 6 scripts that I had to get rid of in order to heal. I deal with those 6 bullets as I call them in the chapters Cache and Kernel in Mind on Fire. For example, one of the biggest obstacles to recovery was the belief that I equal my mind and my fears. Only after reading many books by Irvin Yalom, Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer did I come to understand that I am not my thoughts and emotions and I am ok at my core.
I would think that fear and denial are two big demons to overcome. What resources are available to help in those areas?
My main learning technique is reading. That differs from person to person of course. In the five years since my last drink, I must have bought and read at least 50 books on existential psychology, mindfulness, Buddhism, the denial of death and other topics that touched upon my destructive core beliefs. Gradually the fog started to lift from my mind and the rumination stopped.
It was as if I was taught all the wrong things when I was little and now, 40 years later, I had to educate myself all over again, this time with the truth. The dogma of the Catholic Church that was so present in my youth is surely to blame for a lot of unnecessary guilt and gloom. In the book, I make the point that that kind of so-called religion has nothing to do with spiritualism. I feel that the current generations of young people look at religion differently, and that makes me happy and gives me hope.
What can a person begin to learn about them selves and their outlook on life as they begin to become more authentic?
For all practical purposes, perception is reality. You take the world into yourself with your senses and you color it with your mind. And that coloring affects your actions and reflects back out to the world. It’s a two-way street, you give the world a unique flavor, and it throws that flavor right back at you. If you are afraid, then everything will look scary. If you have a positive outlook, however, then the world will smile right back at you.
Since I stopped drinking, I cut out all the bullshit, all the imperfect thoughts. My outlook has become much more positive and the world around me reacts positively! Point in case: my book Mind on Fire. Never in a million years would I have thought five years ago that I would be writing and publishing an important work. And yet here I am.
What can be done to help the family not to disintegrate while the alcoholic is trying to deal with their drinking and mental issues?
I am a strong believer in the fact that the addict needs to reach a rock-bottom moment and decide for him self, there and then, that he will never drink again. There are no half-measures here. Too many people, and I was one of them, think initially that they can learn to drink in a controlled manner. There is no such thing for an addict.
It is all or nothing, and as long as you keep yourself in denial of that simple fact, nobody can help you – especially not your immediate family. They are too close to tell you the hard facts. That is why I believe you need to have yourself committed to a rehab facility where they can help you see the truth about yourself, however harsh.
To people that say, “I think you should just stop drinking?” What would you say to them?
I wish it were as simple as don’t bring that glass up to your lips. In the chapter First Love in the book, I describe how I discovered the effects of white wine when I was just seventeen, on a summer camp in the Swiss Alps. It felt like I discovered the secret of living without all the mental agony and the constant ruminations.
I truly believe everyone should go back to the roots of his or her drinking problem and see how it became so deeply rooted. When you do that, you can start to reverse-engineer your way back out of the maze. You need to recall your earliest memory of experiencing the effects of alcohol. There you will find the root cause of why you are abusing it.
I remember clearly that first sip of white wine was pure joy. All my worries seemed to evaporate, and all the background noise in my mind stopped. All that was left was this otherworldly feeling of blissful calm. It felt like magic. I fell in love with alcohol, right there and then.
That was my original sin, the first bite of the forbidden apple. Finally, I could do away with all my inhibitions and boost my confidence in one clear sweep, just by raising a glass to my lips. And even look cool while doing it. And ever since that first glass of Suave Italian wine, I have never been able to be just a social drinker.
I have used alcohol in order to ease my worries, to become calm, to be myself. Or so it seemed. Drinking seemed to fill a gap in my life right from the start. It seemed to satisfy a very basic need in me, like breathing or eating. I came to depend on it.
I have never understood how friends could stop after one drink or discipline themselves to lay off the stuff for a month or so. I craved it every day, and then, much later, I needed it every hour. Until I hit rock-bottom. So, to people that say, “I think you should just stop drinking”, I would say that it is not that simple.
I would suggest to any addict or family that is going through stress with an addict to seek professional attention. In my case, I sought the help of a psychiatrist and rehab. This is not a simple fix, but with determination, the addiction can be conquered.
Philip Muls the author of Mind on Fire is a senior business executive in a global corporation, who has been traveling on the job through Asia for the last twenty-plus years. He holds an MBA from Leuven University and has been granted various sales and management awards in the software industry. After quitting alcohol in his mid-forties, Philip started to research and experiment with a variety of recovery treatments on the level of mind and body and also on the level of his deeper self. This book blends his amazing travel stories with an authentic account of how alcohol affects the brain and how recovery from addiction can be like navigating a minefield of existential fears and obsolete beliefs. When he is not off traveling in China or India, Philip lives with his wife Natja and his two children Monika and Alexander in Grimbergen, Belgium. You can find Mind on Fire on Amazon.com or anywhere books are sold. You many also contact Philip Muls at www.philipmulsauthor.com